How difficult is it to project manage a minor renovation? I know it’s not easy, but I am also pretty sure it is by no means, rocket science.

Our main contractor is absent, to an indescribable degree. His work ethic is that of an incontinent skunk, and his level of responsiveness, possibly that of a raw soya bean. The difficulty I have with explaining to my friends his level of competence is probably how early scientists felt when they were trying to explain the concept of “infinity” to their mothers and father after getting home from work.

“Hey ma, so today we discovered something really huge.”

“How big ah?” (In my mind, the early scientists and their parents speak like Singaporeans, and end sentences with “ah” and “ohh” and “isit”.)

“Very, very big.”

“Bigger than what?”

“Bigger than anything!”

“Oh like the size of Mexico ah? Must be very big huh.”

-Scientist’s head implodes-

Well, if anyone is ever looking to renovate your house in Singapore, I can give you a recommendation of an interior design firm NOT to use. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I imagine I would be an excellent contractor. I do love building them timelines into that computer spreadsheet doohickey.

Ok off to home now, to inspect the unfinished apartment that was once my home, and to imagine myself dressed as Bob the Builder, project managing my own house’s renovations one day. I just googled Bob the Builder to see what his cat was called. Wikipedia says his cat is called Pilchard, and is considered a part of the team. However, she’s often sleeping when she’s needed. That’s awesome! That goes into my epitaph-shortlist.

“Joyce – Was always considered a part of the team, but was often sleeping when needed.”

Our hotel at Straits Collection along Armenian Street was a delight – high ceilings held up by the original exposed beams, quirky furniture, an “outdoor” rain shower and a big wooden bath tub, original heavy wooden doors painted over with bright white and green paint, AND two resident dogs and resident cats in the gift shop next door. Exactly what you wished your home looked like.

Ah Hock the caretaker/trishaw driver/corner coffeeshop worker is a true sweetheart. He’s a slight but sprightly old man with really gentle eyes and deep laugh lines – we were very well taken care of over the weekend.

All the buildings squat along the road like old men playing chess; wrinkled, sunburnt, lines etched into their beams from years of exposure to life but still breathing with life. A rubber stamp maker living in one here, a butcher cleaning pigs out in one over there, an antique shop bursting through its wooden cracks with trinkets. I wish we left more buildings in Singapore alone, let them age organically and do what buildings were meant to do – house people, house lives and be passed on in entirety from generation to generation instead of torn down and updated to version 2.0 every so often.

The food – oh! I cannot think of the food and relive the tastes now, because I will certainly weep knowing what I will miss until I next return.

I wonder how Richard the cat is.

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:56:35 PM)
so here is game plan

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:56:48 PM)
1. see pretty girl approaching counter

joyce says: (8:56:49 PM)
yup

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:56:52 PM)
2. approach counter

jono says: (8:57:01 PM)
hello darlings

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:57:06 PM)
3. “hi there. thats a nice bag u are holding”

joyce says: (8:57:10 PM)
GAY

joyce says: (8:57:19 PM)
sorry

joyce says: (8:57:21 PM)
gaybell went off

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:57:21 PM)
Oh. so what is good step 3?

joyce says: (8:57:44 PM)
3. quickly decide on your flavour first so you can slip in front of her and get your scoop first

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:58:11 PM)
okkok.. any nice flavours to pick to show the chick that u are young, creative but still manly?

jono says: (8:58:25 PM)
chris what the fuck are u goin on about

joyce says: (8:58:31 PM)
4. if she is hemming and hawing make pleasant witty conversation about a) ice cream name b) weather outside c) the ice cream scooper

joyce says: (8:58:45 PM)
no chocolate

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:58:56 PM)
picking up chicks at [anonymous ice cream parlour], jon

joyce says: (8:58:56 PM)
no cookies

jono says: (8:59:11 PM)
AHAH

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:59:26 PM)
okokookok…. so we have 4 now.

joyce says: (8:59:29 PM)
something safe

joyce says: (8:59:32 PM)
like vanilla

joyce says: (8:59:35 PM)
you’re not there for ice cream chris

joyce says: (8:59:38 PM)
you’re there for pussy

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:59:43 PM)
5. wait for her to pick flavour. pay for ice cream.

joyce says: (8:59:54 PM)
why am i so crude

Chri! Stop Her! says: (8:59:56 PM)
6. Wink

jono says: (9:00:00 PM)
AHHAHAHAAHHA

Chri! Stop Her! says: (9:00:00 PM)
7. Tip hat.

joyce says: (9:00:07 PM)
no no

Chri! Stop Her! says: (9:00:11 PM)
hahaha… its all about the pusseh.

joyce says: (9:00:22 PM)
6. pay for ice cream with $100 bill, from a bottega money clip

joyce says: (9:00:27 PM)
7. tip hat

joyce says: (9:00:37 PM)
8. walk off with your two large dobermans

jono says: (9:00:52 PM)
9. wipe mouth with $500 note

Chri! Stop Her! says: (9:01:24 PM)
10. Put on bowler hat.

I could never have been a doctor or a nurse. How they drown out the sobs as patients wait for doctors, put blinders up and ignore the heaving bodies, shuddering with pain, is a mystery. They must be a different breed altogether. Like werewolves. Or something.

A lady just wheeled past an old man in a chair. His left leg is curled up at the ends, rigid. His face is frozen in a contorted expression; what it must look like when the wires of your God-given brain fizzle,

and fail.

It’s not so bad now, if you don’t think about what the doctor will have to say later. It’s ok as long as I keep playing some stupid game on my phone.

Got off work early (on time), took a walk around town and had Tom Yum with old friends.

Each time I remember to take a look around properly, Singapore always looks different!

But always nice.

The dog in the last photograph reminds me of my little Chloe.

Am in agreement with bakerby. Would not mind looking like Françoise Hardy!

http://i48.tinypic.com/33yhs78.jpg

Chinese New Year has been great. Going out, eating, having places to be, things to do, people to meet. Normalcy. How anyone can think they don’t need family, is quite beyond me.

My Mum would kill me if she ever knew I was posting these pictures up. Still so vain! I definitely get that from her.

I have never been more grateful for the kindness of friends. To have people to reach out and quickly hold my hand when I feel myself slipping, so I do not fall, or so that when I fall I remember that life does not truly ever leave you completely alone. I know there are many in the world with greater problems, and my turn to help will come. For now it is a waterfall of relief to know I have picked good friends, and they me.

Years, years ago – probably 6 years now? – I remember taking a walk to the beach by myself. With a small carton of chocolate milk and a pack of lights I just walked around, wanting to be alone, but not really needing to be alone. A little cat started following me and spent most of that night sitting by my feet keeping me company as I drank my milk, taking away my loneliness and whatever it was that made me put on my slippers in the middle of the night.

Little steps.